someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
