Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
