I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
