i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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