When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
