He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
