I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
