yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.