What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
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Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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