Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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