Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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