I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
