sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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