i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
