Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
