the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
