Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
