i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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