Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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