Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
