If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
someone owes me an orgasm
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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