you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
false alarm, still single
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
