i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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