you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
