Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
