i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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