Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
