god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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