he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
