i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
