Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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