I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
