So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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