All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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