I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
