So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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