i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
