***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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