Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
