WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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