Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
