I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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