Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
