We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
