summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I could fuck to npr.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
