So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
