Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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