i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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