You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
