Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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