Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
