do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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