Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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