i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
