Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
