If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
