stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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