The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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