I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't deserve a penis
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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