Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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