im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
