and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
