My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
