Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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