im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
