I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im just a social blackout drinker.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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