I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that