We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.