my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"