Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

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(954): View more from Florida

You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.

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These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Read it at the TFLN blog
(919): View more from North Carolina

porn star boner night. come get it.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.

(919): View more from North Carolina

It's a mixed blessing.

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY

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(605): View more from South Dakota

And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool

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(809): View more from Caribbean Islands

*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God

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