Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas