Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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