Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
