I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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