so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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