what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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