She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
